A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.
'Actually, yes, I do.
''Does it hurt you?' he asked.
'No.. I rather like it.'
'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'
The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'
'Of course, ' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think people like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barney Frank come from?
Ok - 1 more....
Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN
LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Let me explain for the dim witted a simple philosophy
Let me explain for the dim witted a simple philosophy
Some of you love puzzles and word games…
Let me play a WORD GAME with you…
Democrats use the RACE CARD to say “Mean Republicans do not want poor black people to own a home…”
Democrats then used Congress and Law to FORCE banks to start lending money to poor black families to buy homes, EVEN THOUGH they were not credit worthy.
Banks loaned the money because Congress (Senator Obama, Congressman Frank and Congressman Dowd) said “The US Govt will back up all these loans!”
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mack RUN by Democrats ( some now in the Obama administration ) started giving away loans like candy.
George Bush and John McCain tried to put the skids on before the economy collapsed. Warning that IT WOULD HAPPEN!
Guess what? Poor people can not make house payments when the cost of living rises AND the interest rates on the loans rise, as they AGREED TO IN THEIR CONTRACTS.
People quit paying for their homes. The house of cards began to collapse even the govt could not keep its promise of covering all the bad loans.
Now Democrats blame everyone but themselves for this practice. They blame George Bush.
Dumb ass Democrats believe them “It was Bush’s fault!!”
DUH!! You are being played – how does it feel to keep voting Democrat??
They played you on welfare they played you on social security, home loans and guess what the next game is to buy your vote????
Go back and play the word game and put the words “Free Health Care” instead of homes and home loans.
Suckers…
Some of you love puzzles and word games…
Let me play a WORD GAME with you…
Democrats use the RACE CARD to say “Mean Republicans do not want poor black people to own a home…”
Democrats then used Congress and Law to FORCE banks to start lending money to poor black families to buy homes, EVEN THOUGH they were not credit worthy.
Banks loaned the money because Congress (Senator Obama, Congressman Frank and Congressman Dowd) said “The US Govt will back up all these loans!”
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mack RUN by Democrats ( some now in the Obama administration ) started giving away loans like candy.
George Bush and John McCain tried to put the skids on before the economy collapsed. Warning that IT WOULD HAPPEN!
Guess what? Poor people can not make house payments when the cost of living rises AND the interest rates on the loans rise, as they AGREED TO IN THEIR CONTRACTS.
People quit paying for their homes. The house of cards began to collapse even the govt could not keep its promise of covering all the bad loans.
Now Democrats blame everyone but themselves for this practice. They blame George Bush.
Dumb ass Democrats believe them “It was Bush’s fault!!”
DUH!! You are being played – how does it feel to keep voting Democrat??
They played you on welfare they played you on social security, home loans and guess what the next game is to buy your vote????
Go back and play the word game and put the words “Free Health Care” instead of homes and home loans.
Suckers…
Friday, January 29, 2010
Letter from an ER Doctor to Obama
Dear Mr. President:
During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone.
While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as "Medicaid"! During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer.
And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman's health care? I contend that our nation's "health care crisis" is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a "crisis of culture", a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me".
Once you fix this "culture crisis" that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you'll be amazed at how quickly our nation's health care difficulties will disappear.
Respectfully,
STARNER JONES, MD
During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone.
While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as "Medicaid"! During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer.
And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman's health care? I contend that our nation's "health care crisis" is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a "crisis of culture", a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me".
Once you fix this "culture crisis" that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you'll be amazed at how quickly our nation's health care difficulties will disappear.
Respectfully,
STARNER JONES, MD
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Barack Hussein Obama: I Told You So – Yes I Did By Howard Galganov Montreal, Quebec , Canada
Barack Hussein Obama: I Told You So – Yes I Did
By Howard Galganov
Montreal, Quebec , Canada
23 July 2009
When Obama won the Presidency with the help of the LEFTIST Media, Hollywood And Entertainment Liberals, Ethnic Socialists (ACORN), Stupid Non-Business Professionals and Bush Haters, I wrote: It won't take six months until the People figure this guy out and realize how horrible a mistake they've made. And when they come to that realization, the damage to the United States of America will be so great it will take a generation or more to repair - IF EVER.
The IDIOTS who not only voted for the Messiah, but also worked [hard] to promote his Lordship, are now left holding the bag.
Here are two things they will NEVER do: They will NEVER admit to making a Blunder out of all proportion by electing a snake-oil
salesman with no Positive social history or management experience of any kind. They will NEVER take responsibility for the curse they've imposed upon the immediate and long-term future of their country.
In essence, the people responsible for putting this horror show in
power are themselves responsible for every cataclysmic decision he makes and the Consequences thereof.
In just six months, the Messiah's polls are showing the following: On Healthcare Reform - He's going under for the third time with polling well Under 50 percent, even within his own Party. Even though he might be able to Muscle a Healthcare Reform Bill by using Chicago BULLY tactics against his Fellow Democrats, it will just make things worse. On Cap and Trade (Cap and Tax) - The Fat-Lady is already singing. On the Stimulus Package (Tax and Spend) - His popularity is in FREE-FALL. On the TARP package he took and ran With from President Bush -It's all but Good-Night Irene. On the closing of GITMO and "HIS" war on what he no longer wants called the War On Terrorism - He's standing in quicksand with his head just about to go under. On a Comparison between himself and George W Bush at the same six months i nto Their respective first term Presidencies - Bush is ahead of him in the Polls On a comparison between He Who Walks On Water and the 12 preceding Presidents between WW II and now - Obama ranks 10th. On a Poll just Conducted, that asks who would you vote for today between Obama and Mitt Romney - It's a dead heat. Between Obama and Palin - Obama's ONLY ahead by 8 Points and she hasn't even begun to campaign. It seems to me that Obama Wants to be everywhere where he shouldn't be.
He's personally invested in [totally insulting] America 's ONLY REAL Middle Eastern ally ( Israel ) in favor of Palestinian Despots and Murderers. He's traveling the world apologizing for the USA while lecturing others on how to do it right, when in fact and truth he has no experience at doing anything other than getting elected.
He went to the Moslem world in Egypt to declare that America IS NOT A CHRISTIAN NATION while he heaped praises on Islam, where he compared the "plight" of the Palestinians to the Holocaust.
The Russians think he's a putz, The French think he's rude.
The Germans want him to stop spending.
The Indians want him to mix his nose out of their environmental business.
The North Koreans think he's a joke, The Iranians won't acknowledge his calls.
And the British can't even come up with a comprehensive opinion of him.
As for the Chinese, he's too frightened to even glance their way. [After All, China now owns a large portion of the United States ..]
Maybe if America 's first Emperor would stay home more, travel less, and work A little bit instead of being on television just about
everyday (or forget About his Wednesday Date Nights with his Amazon Wife) or stop running to "papered" Town Hall Meetings, perhaps he would have a little bit of time to Do the work of the nation.
In all fairness, it wasn't HARD to be RIGHT in my prediction concerning Obama's presidency, even in its first six months, so I'm going to make yet another prediction:
OBAMA WILL PROBABLY NOT FINISH HIS 4-YEAR TERM, at least not in a Conventional way.
He is such a political HORROR SHOW, and so detrimental to the USA and his Own Democratic Party, that the Democrats themselves will either FORCE him to Resign or figure out a way to have him thrown out.
Who knows, maybe he really isn't a BORN US Citizen and that's a way the Democrats will be able to get rid of him. [He is a citizen, but not a naturalized citizen with both mother and father being US citizens.]
Or - MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, the Democrats will make Obama THEIR OWN LAME DUCK PRESIDENT.
I don't believe the Democrats have nearly as much love for their country as they do for their own political fortunes. And with Obama, their fortunes are rapidly becoming toast.
By Howard Galganov
Montreal, Quebec , Canada
23 July 2009
When Obama won the Presidency with the help of the LEFTIST Media, Hollywood And Entertainment Liberals, Ethnic Socialists (ACORN), Stupid Non-Business Professionals and Bush Haters, I wrote: It won't take six months until the People figure this guy out and realize how horrible a mistake they've made. And when they come to that realization, the damage to the United States of America will be so great it will take a generation or more to repair - IF EVER.
The IDIOTS who not only voted for the Messiah, but also worked [hard] to promote his Lordship, are now left holding the bag.
Here are two things they will NEVER do: They will NEVER admit to making a Blunder out of all proportion by electing a snake-oil
salesman with no Positive social history or management experience of any kind. They will NEVER take responsibility for the curse they've imposed upon the immediate and long-term future of their country.
In essence, the people responsible for putting this horror show in
power are themselves responsible for every cataclysmic decision he makes and the Consequences thereof.
In just six months, the Messiah's polls are showing the following: On Healthcare Reform - He's going under for the third time with polling well Under 50 percent, even within his own Party. Even though he might be able to Muscle a Healthcare Reform Bill by using Chicago BULLY tactics against his Fellow Democrats, it will just make things worse. On Cap and Trade (Cap and Tax) - The Fat-Lady is already singing. On the Stimulus Package (Tax and Spend) - His popularity is in FREE-FALL. On the TARP package he took and ran With from President Bush -It's all but Good-Night Irene. On the closing of GITMO and "HIS" war on what he no longer wants called the War On Terrorism - He's standing in quicksand with his head just about to go under. On a Comparison between himself and George W Bush at the same six months i nto Their respective first term Presidencies - Bush is ahead of him in the Polls On a comparison between He Who Walks On Water and the 12 preceding Presidents between WW II and now - Obama ranks 10th. On a Poll just Conducted, that asks who would you vote for today between Obama and Mitt Romney - It's a dead heat. Between Obama and Palin - Obama's ONLY ahead by 8 Points and she hasn't even begun to campaign. It seems to me that Obama Wants to be everywhere where he shouldn't be.
He's personally invested in [totally insulting] America 's ONLY REAL Middle Eastern ally ( Israel ) in favor of Palestinian Despots and Murderers. He's traveling the world apologizing for the USA while lecturing others on how to do it right, when in fact and truth he has no experience at doing anything other than getting elected.
He went to the Moslem world in Egypt to declare that America IS NOT A CHRISTIAN NATION while he heaped praises on Islam, where he compared the "plight" of the Palestinians to the Holocaust.
The Russians think he's a putz, The French think he's rude.
The Germans want him to stop spending.
The Indians want him to mix his nose out of their environmental business.
The North Koreans think he's a joke, The Iranians won't acknowledge his calls.
And the British can't even come up with a comprehensive opinion of him.
As for the Chinese, he's too frightened to even glance their way. [After All, China now owns a large portion of the United States ..]
Maybe if America 's first Emperor would stay home more, travel less, and work A little bit instead of being on television just about
everyday (or forget About his Wednesday Date Nights with his Amazon Wife) or stop running to "papered" Town Hall Meetings, perhaps he would have a little bit of time to Do the work of the nation.
In all fairness, it wasn't HARD to be RIGHT in my prediction concerning Obama's presidency, even in its first six months, so I'm going to make yet another prediction:
OBAMA WILL PROBABLY NOT FINISH HIS 4-YEAR TERM, at least not in a Conventional way.
He is such a political HORROR SHOW, and so detrimental to the USA and his Own Democratic Party, that the Democrats themselves will either FORCE him to Resign or figure out a way to have him thrown out.
Who knows, maybe he really isn't a BORN US Citizen and that's a way the Democrats will be able to get rid of him. [He is a citizen, but not a naturalized citizen with both mother and father being US citizens.]
Or - MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, the Democrats will make Obama THEIR OWN LAME DUCK PRESIDENT.
I don't believe the Democrats have nearly as much love for their country as they do for their own political fortunes. And with Obama, their fortunes are rapidly becoming toast.
Democrats buy votes with our tax money!!
From an ER doctor
Remember I live and work in a border state overrun with illegals; they make more money having kids than we earn working fulltime. Today I had a 25 yr old with 8 kids ~ that's right 8! All are illegal anchor babies, and she had the nicest nails, cell phone, hand bag, clothing. etc. She makes about $1500 monthly for each; do the math. I used to say "we are the dumbest nation on earth." Now I must say and sadly admit, YOU are the dumbest people on earth (that includes me) for we elected the idiot idealogues who have passed the bills that allow this. Sorry ~ we need a revolution! Vote em all out in 2010!
WHAT BETTER REASON DO WE HAVE TO VOTE OUT OF OFFICE ANY AND
ALL INCUMBENT POLITICIANS WHO CREATED SUCH A STUPID SITUATION.
WHY ARE OUR SOCIAL SECURITY PENSIONERS PUTTING UP WITH THIS CRAP ?
WHY HAS NOT ANYONE YET FILED A CLASS ACTION DISCRIMINATION SUIT ?
REMEMBER - IN NOVEMBER, 2010 WE HAVE
A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO CLEAN OUT
THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND ONE-THIRD OF THE SENATE.
This is an insult and a kick in the butt to all of us...
Get mad and pass it on - I don't know how, but maybe some good will come of this travesty.
If the immigrant is over 65, they can apply for SSI and Medicaid and get more than a woman on Social Security, who worked from 1944 until 2004.
She is only getting $791 per month because she was born in 1924 and there's a 'catch 22'.
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890. Each can also obtain an additional $580 in social assistance, for a total of $2,470 a month.
This compares to a single pensioner, who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years, can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
Consider sending this to all your American friends, so we can all be ticked off and maybe get the refugees cut back to $1,012 and the pensioners up to $2,470. Then we can enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 or 60 years. And not to receive an increase for 2010!! Vote them all out of office!!!
Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing the past 11 years to over-taxed Americans.
SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW.
This is your Country.
Go to a Tea Party.
De
Remember I live and work in a border state overrun with illegals; they make more money having kids than we earn working fulltime. Today I had a 25 yr old with 8 kids ~ that's right 8! All are illegal anchor babies, and she had the nicest nails, cell phone, hand bag, clothing. etc. She makes about $1500 monthly for each; do the math. I used to say "we are the dumbest nation on earth." Now I must say and sadly admit, YOU are the dumbest people on earth (that includes me) for we elected the idiot idealogues who have passed the bills that allow this. Sorry ~ we need a revolution! Vote em all out in 2010!
WHAT BETTER REASON DO WE HAVE TO VOTE OUT OF OFFICE ANY AND
ALL INCUMBENT POLITICIANS WHO CREATED SUCH A STUPID SITUATION.
WHY ARE OUR SOCIAL SECURITY PENSIONERS PUTTING UP WITH THIS CRAP ?
WHY HAS NOT ANYONE YET FILED A CLASS ACTION DISCRIMINATION SUIT ?
REMEMBER - IN NOVEMBER, 2010 WE HAVE
A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO CLEAN OUT
THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND ONE-THIRD OF THE SENATE.
This is an insult and a kick in the butt to all of us...
Get mad and pass it on - I don't know how, but maybe some good will come of this travesty.
If the immigrant is over 65, they can apply for SSI and Medicaid and get more than a woman on Social Security, who worked from 1944 until 2004.
She is only getting $791 per month because she was born in 1924 and there's a 'catch 22'.
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890. Each can also obtain an additional $580 in social assistance, for a total of $2,470 a month.
This compares to a single pensioner, who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years, can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
Consider sending this to all your American friends, so we can all be ticked off and maybe get the refugees cut back to $1,012 and the pensioners up to $2,470. Then we can enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 or 60 years. And not to receive an increase for 2010!! Vote them all out of office!!!
Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing the past 11 years to over-taxed Americans.
SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW.
This is your Country.
Go to a Tea Party.
De
Monday, January 25, 2010
Just when you think America is lost to the idiot Democrats....
AMERICA BEGINS TO WAKE UP AND FIGHT BACK!!
An update from Oklahoma :
Oklahoma law passed, 37 to 9, had a few liberals in the mix, an amendment to place the Ten Commandments on the front entrance to the state capitol. The feds in D.C., along with the ACLU, said it would be a mistake. Hey this is a conservative state, based on Christian values...! HB 1330
Guess what........... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Oklahoma recently passed a law in the state to incarcerate all illegal immigrants, and ship them back to where they came from unless they want to get a green card and become an American citizen. They all scattered. HB 1804. Hope we didn't send any of them to your state. This was against the advice of the Federal Government, and the ACLU, they said it would be a mistake.
Guess what.......... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Recently we passed a law to include DNA samples from any and all illegals to the Oklahoma database, for criminal investigative purposes. Pelosi said it was unconstitutional. SB 1102
Guess what........ Oklahoma did it anyway.
Several weeks ago, we passed a law, declaring Oklahoma as a Sovereign state, not under the Federal Government directives. Joining Texas , Montana and Utah as the only states to do so. More states are likely to follow: Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolina's, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas, West Virginia, Mississippi, Florida. Save your confederate money, it appears the South is about to rise up once again. HJR 1003
The federal Government has made bold steps to take away our guns. Oklahoma, a week ago, passed a law confirming people in this state have the right to bear arms and transport them in their vehicles. I'm sure that was a set back for the criminals (and Obamaites). Liberals didn't like it -- But ...
Guess what............ Oklahoma did it anyway.
Just this month, my state has voted and passed a law that ALL driver's license exams will be printed in English, and only English, and no other language. We have been called racist for doing this, but the fact is that ALL of our road signs are in English only. If you want to drive in Oklahoma , you must read and write English. Really simple.
By the way, Obama does not like any of this..
Guess what....who cares... Oklahoma is doing it anyway.
To Verify:
http://newsok.com/oklahoma-state-capitol-to-display-ten-commandments/article/3370730
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-01-09-immigcover_N..htm
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/pending/oklahoma.asp
(on Snopes it says "mixture" and I do not see it say where the mis-truth is...)
An update from Oklahoma :
Oklahoma law passed, 37 to 9, had a few liberals in the mix, an amendment to place the Ten Commandments on the front entrance to the state capitol. The feds in D.C., along with the ACLU, said it would be a mistake. Hey this is a conservative state, based on Christian values...! HB 1330
Guess what........... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Oklahoma recently passed a law in the state to incarcerate all illegal immigrants, and ship them back to where they came from unless they want to get a green card and become an American citizen. They all scattered. HB 1804. Hope we didn't send any of them to your state. This was against the advice of the Federal Government, and the ACLU, they said it would be a mistake.
Guess what.......... Oklahoma did it anyway.
Recently we passed a law to include DNA samples from any and all illegals to the Oklahoma database, for criminal investigative purposes. Pelosi said it was unconstitutional. SB 1102
Guess what........ Oklahoma did it anyway.
Several weeks ago, we passed a law, declaring Oklahoma as a Sovereign state, not under the Federal Government directives. Joining Texas , Montana and Utah as the only states to do so. More states are likely to follow: Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolina's, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas, West Virginia, Mississippi, Florida. Save your confederate money, it appears the South is about to rise up once again. HJR 1003
The federal Government has made bold steps to take away our guns. Oklahoma, a week ago, passed a law confirming people in this state have the right to bear arms and transport them in their vehicles. I'm sure that was a set back for the criminals (and Obamaites). Liberals didn't like it -- But ...
Guess what............ Oklahoma did it anyway.
Just this month, my state has voted and passed a law that ALL driver's license exams will be printed in English, and only English, and no other language. We have been called racist for doing this, but the fact is that ALL of our road signs are in English only. If you want to drive in Oklahoma , you must read and write English. Really simple.
By the way, Obama does not like any of this..
Guess what....who cares... Oklahoma is doing it anyway.
To Verify:
http://newsok.com/oklahoma-state-capitol-to-display-ten-commandments/article/3370730
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-01-09-immigcover_N..htm
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/pending/oklahoma.asp
(on Snopes it says "mixture" and I do not see it say where the mis-truth is...)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Retiring?
You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where......
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. ( Ed note: if you have a car)
You can retire to Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car .
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
AND You can retire to Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
OR stay where you are and just be happy that you have retired and still alive.
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. ( Ed note: if you have a car)
You can retire to Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car .
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
AND You can retire to Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
OR stay where you are and just be happy that you have retired and still alive.
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